At IKEA, $200 will buy you 25 cubbies of modern storage in a six by six foot monolith of melamine and ground up Chinese newspaper*. Similar items from fancy furniture providers can cost over a thousand more, so what apartment dweller with too many books, albums (said cubbies are perfectly sized for your divine vinyl collection or your cat) or doodads wouldn’t put down two Benjamins and some quality allen wrench time for such cheap and copious storage? Ones who have had too much Apartment Therapy and not yet realized what I’m about to reveal.

This slab of sleek Swedish störage will be in your apartment förever.

This slab of sleek Swedish störage will be in your apartment förever.

You bring it home in four heavy but not unmanageable boxes, then you put it together (Hint: you really need a white rubber mallet to do this; without one you will become frustrated and chip the finish, I guarantee it. Why white? Because you bought the white one, what kind of modern design fetishist are you otherwise?) and then what do you have? a 6×6 foot thing that somehow weighs more than the four packages, and will no longer fit through the door, down the hall, in the elevator, down the stairs or in your car.

You will also need a white rubber mallet (Bøyg, not included) to assemble it.

Or so I hear.

You will not be able to disassemble it, at least not such that it could ever be put back together. You will not be able to sell it on craigslist for any price. You cannot recycle it but if you are handy, you can turn it into a hamster habitat. Your only real option is to abandon it when you move out, or if you are very very lucky, sell it to the next tenant of your apartment. You can also write it into the deed of your condo or leave it to a young relative in your will.

You'll need friends to help you assemble it. You'll need very good friends to help you get rid of it.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

* Actually, IKEA Expedits are made of “Particleboard, Paper, Fiberboard, ABS plastic, Acrylic paint, Foil” and all the wooden dowels you need, minus one.